Sam

Sam is the Chief Financial Officer of Neophytos Enterprises, Inc and the safeguard of all its physical treasures. He is a founding member of the organization and a key player in its burgeoning market influence. Additionally, Sam is one of the four Neophytos members who operates the entertainment brand Livin' Like Larry and participates in its hit podcast of the same name.

Origin
Sam is a human male born in North America on Earth in the late 20th Century. This event and the subsequent five years are of no interest, and prove irrelevant to the extraordinary circumstances of his life as a young adult.

At the ripe age of five years old, young Sam was kidnapped by The Jovian Space Pimps and shortly thereafter made a pawn in their battle for dimensional supremacy. The Pimps needed a human vessel to carry their Ultimate Weapon—made specifically to sequester the nigh-infinite power of Seth—and chose Sam at random from the available human population of 6.4 billion individuals.

As this Weapon was comprised of extra-dimensional energy, it could only be adequately contained in a vessel made of 'regular' matter, providing that said vessel was capable of moderate self-restoration to combat the long-term degradation it would impose. The supple tissue of Sam's rectum—bolstered by The Pimp's genetic alternations for expedited cellular regeneration—served this role perfectly.

On his fifth birthday, Sam was taken by The Pimps in the middle of the night, unbeknownst to his parents, and brought to their ship in low-Earth orbit. There, the procedure was undertaken, the Weapon was successfully imposed, and the boy's mind was (improperly) erased. Due to an operational error by the Jovian Ena, the mind wipe was only partially successful. Following this night and until the events of The Battle for Earth and The Renewal, Sam vaguely remembered his abduction and the fervent manipulation of his rectum, believing himself to be a victim of extraterrestrial probing.

Notable Characteristics
Unless otherwise noted, the following characteristics are Holdovers from Timeline Alpha.
 * Sam's Ass or The Ultimate Weapon - Sam's rectum houses an ultimate weapon of Jovian Space Pimp design, capable of containing any Earthly or extra-dimensional object or being indefinitely. After learning of its presence, origin, and function, Sam became capable of controlling the Weapon. With meditation and focus, he can even expel captured objects or beings from the pocket dimension inside himself, something its creators didn't believe possible.
 * Superhuman Cellular Regeneration - As a byproduct of the Jovian Space Pimp's installation of The Weapon, Sam's genome has been altered to expedite his natural regenerative processes. As such, his rectum is able to sustain itself despite the slow destructive influence of the pocket dimension therein. Additionally, his body heals from most forms of damage at a rapid pace. And perhaps counter intuitively, Sam is also made more vulnerable to cancer, as any unmitigated cellular division will significantly out-pace that of an average human male.