Sam's Ocean Water Lemonade

Sam's Ocean Water Lemonade was a lemonade made from lemon juice, sugar, and pure unfiltered ocean water sold in various markets nationwide. It was discontinued in February of 2019 after a lawsuit decimated the LLC under which Sam sold the product. While it was on the market, Sam classified his lemonade as a "lifestyle product", as the FDA refused to let him sell it as either a food or beverage.

Appearance
Sam's Ocean Water Lemonade came in 1 liter and 2 liter bottles. The product was described by consumers as being "sickly gray" in appearance. Though it boasted a "unique" light yellow shade, the scum present in the ocean water defined the color of the final beverage. Oftentimes, depending on the region that ocean water was sourced, macroscopic sediment would settle at the bottom of the bottle, sometimes up to 2 inches in height.

For a brief stint in October of 2017, Sam's Succulent Solutions, LLC experimented with building a mesh filter into the neck of the product's bottle in order to filter the lemonade upon pouring. The new design was effective in clearing out the particulate, but was ultimately deemed too costly by Sam when that quarter's figures expressed an increase production cost of 1/4 cent per unit. It was subsequently removed and the label was altered to express the "health benefits" of consuming "natural sand and sediment from the bosom of Mother Earth".

Throughout the life of the product, its bottle housed a plain white label around its circumference. Rather than utilize the traditional plastic label and adhesive of typical bottled-drink manufacturers, Sam's Succulent Solutions, LLC used white construction paper with Scotch tape. In lieu of costly printing, the company took advantage of affordable Mexican labor to adorn the label with its branding and nutritional information. This text was written by hand with a variety of instruments, ranging from Sharpie markers to Crayola crayons. Though seemingly frugal in its efforts, this means of production garnered the lemonade widespread media attention for its "home-style" appearance. The lemonade became especially popular with children, who appreciated the colorful style of label and were not as adverse to the taste as other demographics.

In December of 2018, three months before the product was discontinued, Sam told his shareholders that the cost of Mexican labor, writing utensils, construction paper, and Scotch tape was abhorrent and unwarranted. Sam's Ocean Water Lemonade was thereafter produced without any label, text, or indication as to its contents. This new appearance was said to be a "holiday promotion", but was never reverted. Sam claimed the product's distinctive color was, by this point, enough to both identify it and market it to new consumers. And as the product was not classified as potable by the FDA, Sam's Succulent Solutions, LLC was not legally obligated to provide nutritional information. Though it was technically sound in the eyes of the law, this final alteration to the lemonade was a significant point of contention in the lawsuit proceedings, with plaintiffs claiming the absence of any description left ignorant consumers "vulnerable" to the product, as they would ingest it without any knowledge to its contents.

Taste & Effect
Sam's Succulent Solutions, LLC was adamant that the upmost care went into flavoring the product and ensuring a consistent, pleasant taste in every unit they manufactured. Consumers, critics, plaintiffs, and federal judges disagree, claiming that every bottle of Sam's Ocean Water Lemonade offered "wildly different but equally offensive" sensations.

The product tasted of lemon, sugar, and salt, though more often than not the latter dominated consumers' pallets. Many say, should it have been made with distilled water, it would be a perfectly accepted if not above-average lemonade.

Most consumers could only manage a 1/4 cup portion of the lemonade in any one sitting. Any more would trigger profuse vomiting. Health experts state this as a natural reaction to an overabundance of salt, as made present by the ocean water. Upon questioning, Sam told reporters this response to his product was "the fault of those idiots who don't know how to drink it right". By his testimony, the lemonade was, in fact, a "gargler". That is, one was meant to gargle the fluid in their mouth to appreciate its taste and subsequently spit it out. Any residual fluid would be safe to swallow and provide the myriad of health benefits Sam's Succulent Solutions, LLC claimed their product to have. Experts admit this method of consumption wouldn't yield any discomforting reactions from the average consumer but refused to comment on the validity of the health claims.