EJ

EJ is the Head of Sales at Neophytos Enterprises, Inc as well as its current Resident Racist. His work—researching, developing, manufacturing, marketing, and distributing the myriad of products the organization sells under its various subsidiaries—is crucial to the survival of Clan Neophytos. Additionally, EJ is one of the four Neophytos members who operates the entertainment brand Livin' Like Larry and participates in its hit podcast of the same name.

Origin
EJ is a reformed Jovian Space Pimp of modified physiology. Preceding The Battle for Earth, his Pimp contemporaries chose him for the honorable—and absurdly dangerous—task of wielding The Ultimate Weapon against their adversaries, Seth and Mark. While the weapon was designed to capture and sequester the former, The Pimps decided to use it on the latter as well, given his sudden interference at the twelfth hour. Given his track record of incompetence, Ena was designated an unreliable asset and, as such, was of no loss to the Pimphood should he succumb to the might of either enemy or The Weapon itself.

In order to infiltrate Earth undetected, Ena was subjected to the highly volatile and experimental process of Physiological Transmutation—essentially, the re-distribution of cells and matter to alter the physiology of a given individual without compromising their conscious mind. The operation was a mild success, having managed to exchange the extra-dimensional matter for 'regular' matter in his body and generate a human appearance, though it left him permanently unattractive.

The extracted extra-dimensional matter was subsequently fashioned into another super-weapon: The Sunbeam. Unlike The Ultimate Weapon, The Sunbeam was one of offensive nature; it projected an ultra-concentrated beam of extra-dimensional energy, capable of obliterating any human-made structure. This second weapon was given to Ena as a precaution; should he happen to face Seth and Mark simultaneously, he was expected to use The Sunbeam to hold off one while the other was consumed by The Ultimate Weapon, and then utilize the latter on whoever he temporarily disabled with the former.

Ena fulfilled his mission to the best of his ability during The Battle for Earth, managing to procure and deploy The Ultimate Weapon against Seth, though the android was able to resist its pull. Ena was incapable of dis-engaging the Weapon—as The Pimps neglected to install a means of disabling it—and, while he engaged Seth directly, it proceeded to consume a majority of the Planet Earth. During their battle, Ena used The Sunbeam on Seth multiple times; while its beam did manage to hurt and (very briefly) forestall the android, it ultimately proved useless in destroying him. Prior to and stopped by The Renewal, Ena was beaten within an inch of death by his adversary.

Notable Characteristics

 * Increased Lifespan - As a Jovian Space Pimp, Ena inherently possessed a longer lifespan. At the time of The Renewal, he was approximately 200 years old.
 * Dual Penises - As infamously exemplified by The Official EJ Dildo©, EJ has two identical penises weighing 4 kg in total. This mutation is one of many Holdovers from Timeline Alpha, having originally been one of many mistakes from his Physiological Transmutation.